Waiting for You Read online

  Before she could respond to his question about Cerrithi, he spoke again. “No, I don’t think Cerrithi is a good idea. Weak chin.” Mercen’s smile was bright but sharp. “She never says more than ten words, and I know how much you love to converse, dear. You’d find her dull, and that always leads to resentment.”

  “I will certainly take your advice into consideration, Father. Will there be anything else? I hate to cut our morning conversation short, but there is much to do before the luncheon.”

  He waved her off. “Get along, then. But we’ll be discussing this again, and soon. The choice is yours, by law and rightfully so…” That spider smile reappeared, pretty and alluring and full of poison. “But I would hate for you to make a poor choice because of inexperience and pretty faces. I do hope you wind up happy, however. Tomorrow morning I will have papers that need to be signed, so if you have morning plans, cancel or reschedule them.”

  “Papers regarding what?”

  “Unless you have time now all of a sudden, the explanation will have to keep until after the luncheon.”

  “Yes, Father.” Shanna bowed and departed.

  She let out a slow breath as she reached the hallway. Well, that was done for the day. Time to move on to other problems. Motioning to her bodyguards, she headed off. “We’re going to the kitchens.”

  Meeting with the various staff to keep apprised of the running of the castle was a typical—and boring—part of her day, and her bodyguards were more than happy to leave her to the tedious work while availing themselves of the food and the flirtations of the bolder servants.

  Which left Shanna free and clear to go about her real work. As her stepfather had blocked her from all the things she should be doing as queen-in-waiting, she had to use other means to see to her duties as best she was able.

  Such as making certain the tax money went where it was supposed to. Mercen was no fool; he wouldn’t waste money without ensuring more would be coming, but he had increased the tax rates to guarantee certain luxuries his mother had eschewed as frivolous and not worth the cost: the lavish hunts Mercen hosted three or four times a year; expensive entertainers from far-reaching places; his bedroom, office, and other private rooms—and those of his closest sycophants—were filled with costly imported goods they certainly hadn’t paid for. Foreign dragons and special keepers for them, horses and hounds…and that was only the beginning. A goodly amount was also spent on bribes and other underhanded dealings. Shanna also had a sneaking, but as yet unproven, suspicion that he dealt with pirates, smugglers, and other such brigands. There was too much money moving in and out of the kingdom for taxes to cover. So far, she hadn’t been able to find most of it, only the places where the records claimed it was.

  On the other hand, Mercen wasn’t the only one who could embezzle royal funds.

  After making certain her bodyguards were occupied, Shanna slipped out of the kitchen and through the servants’ halls, nodding absently to the few she passed. She headed down a stairway into the dark wine cellar, not bothering to light her way as she walked to the old, patchy wall at the back. After taking out the ring of keys her mother had bestowed on a miserable day when she’d forced them both to accept she would not be getting better, Shanna pulled away a bit of rock and unlocked the secret door. After pushing it open, then shutting and locking it behind her, she moved to the table where she kept all her notes, reports, and the most accurate financial records she had managed to cobble together from the fake ones in the records room. Her life would be infinitely easier if she could find his real accounts, but she’d had no luck—mostly because he wasn’t stupid enough to leave her alone in his office. If he wasn’t there, at least one of his precious guards always was.

  Not bothering to sit, she updated her financial records with numbers recently committed to memory, then triple-checked when that week’s runners would be arriving. As she could not keep apprised of the goings-on of the kingdom through conventional means, she instead employed various runners to travel the kingdom and keep her informed. She’d never wished harder for siblings, though she supposed it was also possible they might have sided with her stepfather and against her. Still, she’d always envied those who had siblings they trusted and confided in and relied upon.

  Thoughts of relying on people sent her mind spinning to Kallaar and reminded her of her final task in that room. After going to the cabinets in one corner, she unlocked one and pulled out the small ledger in which she had collected meticulous notes on all eighteen members of the council, three to each province of the kingdom.

  Shanna lifted her skirts to stow the ledger in the special pouch she kept sewn into all her petticoats and finally headed out.

  An hour later, Shanna was dressed in dark pink and forest green, her jewelry all delicate silver, emerald, and pink diamonds. The lawn fell silent as she was announced; then, polite applause rolled through the crowd. Her suitors arrayed themselves in one long line, from the largest and most powerful kingdoms down to the smallest and weakest. But so far as Shanna was concerned, that meant the best was saved for last.

  Nevertheless, as she greeted each person, she lingered over those she had told her stepfather she was considering. “Your Highness,” she said as Princess Cerrithi bowed over her hand. “How are you this afternoon?”

  “Splendid, Highness.” Cerrithi held on to her hand a moment too long, smiling prettily, tilting her head just a bit to show off the long line of her throat. “I know many have said, but it’s an honor to be here.”

  “The honor is mine, to have such fine suitors grace me with their presence. I hope you will dance with me later.”

  “I’m looking forward to it.”

  She was beautiful and would make an excellent spouse. But Shanna could feel only resignation at the thought of making Cerrithi her consort.

  Moving on, Shanna gave her hand to Prince Tuluna, who took it in both of his and dusted her knuckles with a kiss. Bold, which Shanna liked. His eyes were a sharp green behind bright gold spectacles perched on a squashed-looking nose. “Your Highness.”

  “My princess,” Tuluna said, but the words she’d always found so charming and sweet from Kallaar fell flat from Tuluna.

  Still, she smiled and lingered with him a few minutes more before finally moving on. By the time she was nearly to the end of the line, Shanna was already exhausted, acutely aware of Mercen watching and listening to her every move. Her smiles grew stiffer and more strained, and the pleasantries became more and more rote.

  The Queen’s Courtship was meant to be a pleasant, exciting time, a chance to mingle with peers and friends while she decided which of them was best suited to being her consort. Instead, she was terrified that if she stepped wrong just once, it would endanger someone. She was used to endangering herself, but had always tried not to provoke Mercen to harming others.

  Her anxieties faded slightly as she finally reached Kallaar. He accepted her hand in his and covered it with his other one, smiling warmly—brazenly, even. “Your Highness, I hope the day has treated you well so far.”

  “Very well, thank you. Shall we start off the dancing?”

  “You honor me.” He let go of her hand and offered his arm, leading her to the floor.

  One of her favorite dances was the first played, a light, fun number full of sweeping movement that still allowed for the occasional snippet of conversation. “You’re a marvelous dancer.”

  “I have two sisters and a brother quite determined to be the best dancers in the world. But three is an awkward number for practicing, and being the second to youngest, I was enlisted.”

  “How did the youngest escape that duty?”

  Kallaar grinned, face filled with mischief and affection. “She’s better with a sword than all the rest of us combined and would have made them trade dancing practice with sword practice.”

  Laughter nearly cost Shanna a step, and admiring Kallaar’s pleased smile almost cost her another.

  But as the dance came to an end, she was force
d to discard levity and take up more serious matters. “Meet me in an hour in the red parlor, and I’ll give you what you earlier asked of me.”

  Kallaar’s eyes glittered as he kissed the back of her satin-gloved hand. “Your Highness.”

  Shanna invited another suitor to dance with her, managing to get through four in total before she had to insist on rest. After another three dances, she excused herself for a longer break, motioning the bodyguards to keep everyone away for a time. Sitting at a small table in a private nook, where she could rest alone for a few minutes, she worked through most of a glass of champagne before excusing herself to use the washroom. From there, it was easy enough to slip through another door and sneak down the hallway to the red parlor.

  She was not surprised Kallaar was already waiting, but was surprised Ahmla had come as well. They made a handsome pair, and oh, what she wouldn’t give to see just how pretty a pair they could be, naked and lost in pleasing each other. She’d always wondered if other people entertained the sorts of notions she did. Penli assured her such was the case, but her impression was people intended it generally as a temporary arrangement. But Shanna didn’t want temporary. She wanted multiple lovers permanently; she liked the idea that if she were to die, they’d still have each other, that neither would be left alone. She liked the idea of having more than one person that close to her. Loneliness had been her lot for the past six years, and even before that she’d been isolated by her mother’s illness and her stepfather’s steady encroachment. She was damned tired of being alone—she wanted to be surrounded with people she loved and trusted.

  Dwelling on such things made her miss her mother all over again, the ache sharp, sometimes so painful it left her crying like when her mother had first died. She would have listened to Shanna’s questions, would have taken them seriously and answered honestly.

  Not that it mattered. Even if other people did want the same unusual arrangement as her, she doubted she’d stumbled across two such people. No responsible bodyguard would ever engage in such behavior with their charge—it was dangerous and risked them failing in their duties for a multitude of reasons.

  “Highness,” Kallaar greeted her. “I’m glad you were able to slip away. Those soldiers who shadow you behave more like jailers than bodyguards.”

  Shanna wrinkled her nose. “You are more correct than I like admitting.” She reached into the hidden pocket in her corset and pulled out the tightly folded papers she’d slipped in there. She caught the look in Kallaar’s eyes before he lifted them from her bodice to meet her gaze. She quirked a brow, and he only grinned.

  But when she held out the papers, he grasped her wrist and pulled her close, his other arm sliding around her waist. “Are you truly well, dearest queen? You seem troubled.”

  “I’m always troubled, especially now. My life and the welfare of my kingdom depend on me picking the correct consort, and outsmarting my stepfather while I do it.” Dangerous to keep confiding so easily in a man only slightly better than a stranger, but something about Kallaar—and Ahmla, the quiet, handsome shadow in the corner—made her feel safe even as her heart raced.

  Kallaar brushed a kiss across her mouth. Why, Shanna didn’t know. The room had no windows and no one knew where they were; there was hardly need to put on a show for looming bodyguards or other snoops. But she wasn’t going to protest being kissed by a pretty man she felt she could actually trust.

  Nor did she mind the audience they did have.

  All too soon, the soft kiss ended, and Kallaar released her to finally take the papers and secret them in some hidden pocket. “Any limits besides ‘don’t kill’ in removing these men as impediments?”

  “Try not to involve any family or friends who are innocent of their crimes, but do as you must.”

  “As you command, my queen.”

  Oh, she did like it far too much when he said that. Reverently. Like he really was her devoted soldier. Devoted consort. Instead of simply a prince repaying the kindness and many favors of her mother. “I do not know that I merit your assistance, Highness, but I am grateful for it and will repay in kind.”

  He waved a hand dismissively. “You’ll do nothing of the sort. My father would have me beheaded for leaving you thinking there is any debt to pay. Now then, should I need to send a message to you at some point, is there a servant or some such who can be trusted to act as intermediary?”

  “Yes, my friend Penli—Lord Penlington. But my stepfather knows we’re close, so have a care. If the message isn’t urgent, you can leave it in the cave, and I’ll find it when I go there in the middle of the week and at the end.”

  Ahmla’s brows rose. “The cave?”

  Nodding, Shanna explained the cave that was accessible only when the tide was out and was so tucked away and hidden that, as far as she could tell, not even smugglers made use of it. But it had proven useful as a place to hide the money and other supplies she needed for her spies when they came to see her, half in the middle of the week, the other at the end, and never more than five of them in a single week. All told, it took three months to cycle through all of them—and that was if everything went correctly and they all arrived on time. Usually it was closer to six months before she saw all of them and got their reports.

  “That sounds dangerous,” Ahmla said, his voice deep and a bit rough. If Kallaar was good whiskey, Ahmla was a dark, spicy wine.

  Shanna shrugged. “Everything I do is dangerous.”

  “There are different kinds of dangerous, and this cave sounds like the worst sort. You would be surprised how easy it is to kill someone and consign their body to the sea,” Ahmla said, “weighted by stones so that by the time it breaks free, there is nothing left to identify.”

  “Thank you for that marvelous image,” Shanna said, feeling queasy.

  Ahmla didn’t look remotely sorry for unsettling her, but then a good bodyguard wouldn’t.

  “Are you venturing out there tonight?” Kallaar asked.

  She nodded.

  “Then Ahmla will go with you. We’ll ‘sneak’ into your suite so everyone knows what you’re about, and he can accompany you to the cave. If anyone comes by”—he smiled that wicked little smile— “I’ll ensure they go no further than the front room.”

  Shanna swallowed, trying not to think about how much more fun it would be if he really was sneaking into her room so she could drag him to bed. Him and Ahmla. But in all the years she’d known them, they’d never given any indication of being more than merchant and guard, and friends. “I appreciate the help, but it’s not necessary. I’ve done this many times so far and it’s always been fine.”

  “I daresay that now you’re on the verge of getting married and slightly less than two years away from taking the throne, everything has gotten infinitely more dangerous. Please, Highness, let us help. That is why we’ve come.”

  Though part of her chafed at the idea of having help where she’d never needed it before, of the way she was relying so quickly and easily on two men she did not really know or trust, especially in the face of their deception. On the other hand, it was also so very nice to have help and not feel so damned alone. “Very well.”

  Kallaar’s shoulders relaxed, and he leaned in to kiss her again.

  Well, if that was her reward for cooperating, maybe she could learn to cooperate a little more often.

  Honestly, she needed to start thinking with her head again, not with all the parts that liked being pressed against a sweet, pliant, dangerously attractive man who seemed to enjoy simply being near her, and definitely loved to touch and please her.

  His lips were warm and soft and eager. She could kiss him forever, eternally savoring his gentle kisses and firm hands, the naughty tingle of knowing Ahmla was watching.

  She didn’t pout when he drew away, but it was a near thing.

  “You’d best return to your party, Highness, for all I would happily endure being caught in the middle of decadent behavior with you. It won’t help your cause if your
stepfather is provoked and punishes you.” He took her hand in both of his and pressed a lingering kiss to the back of it. “We are honored to serve.” He and Ahmla swept her elegant bows, and Shanna reluctantly left.

  After making her way back to the washroom, Shanna tidied her hair and clothes before finally returning to the luncheon.

  By the time she got through the rest of her day, including another long dinner, she was desperate to find her bed and enjoy a few blissful hours of sleep.

  Unfortunately, the hardest part was yet to come.

  She’d just sent away the remains of her late-night snack and started to dress in clothes fit for sneaking along a beach, when a rap came from the front-room window. In just breeches, chemise, and corset, she left her bedroom, threw open the window, and let in Kallaar. “Where’s Ahmla?”

  “Waiting outside to minimize our collective chances of being seen and caught.” Kallaar smiled as he slid neatly from the windowsill to the floor. “Well, I mean, I made certain they saw me sneaking about.” He dragged his gaze down her body and even more slowly back up, winking as he met her eyes. “I’m certain their assumptions are only further confirmed by the current lovely state of you, Highness.”

  Shaking her head but smiling, Shanna turned away. “Make yourself comfortable. Amuse yourself however you like.”

  A soft chuckle washed over her a moment before arms slid around her waist and soft lips pressed to the back of her shoulder, nuzzling her neck right below her hairline. Shanna shivered, her skin prickling and her body pushing back against Kallaar’s without waiting for her permission.

  “However I like?” he asked.

  Her voice breathier than she approved, she said, “Delightful as that would be, I do have other things to do tonight.”

  “Well, then, get them done and hurry back, and I’ll be happy to serve you the whole night, my queen.” One hand slid down to cup her through the well-fitted breeches, pressing and rubbing and making her moan.

  “You’re terrible,” she whispered, and after indulging in another few seconds of indulgence, tore herself away. Casting a look over her shoulder, swallowing at the look waiting for her, Shanna hastened into her room and finished dressing.